The pain of rejection 
 
 
Still the tears continue to fall 
Still it’s your name I want to call 
Still I want you to just come back 
Still there’s pain under paper thin cracks 
 
Where were you all the forgotten years? 
Where were you in my floods of tears? 
Where were you when I needed you? 
Where are the answers, where is the truth? 
  
Why daddy why did you deceive me? 
Why daddy will you never ever reprieve me? 
Why daddy won’t you save me from this pain? 
Why daddy why can’t you just call my name? 
 
What have I done to deserve this denial? 
What is it you do that makes me think I’m the one on trial? 
What is it that makes me still want to respect you? 
What is that stopping me from trying to reject you? 
 
Because inside I am still a little girl eleven years old 
Because inside I am a little girl alone & cold 
Because inside I am a little girl waiting for her dad 
Because outside I am 27 and I still feel sadder than sad 
 
 
Synopsis: 
 
This was without doubt the hardest piece of work I have ever attempted.  
 
The girl in question is my wife Samantha. Her father left her when she was just eleven years old.  For several years he had hardly if any contact with her. It was as if she didn’t exist. And even now he (Tony her father) forgets her birthday which is pretty impressive considering it falls on the same day as his). Will often forget Christmas cards/presents or our sons birthday & little things Granddads are supposed to be good at like buying an Easter egg for his grandson or taking him to the park.  
Even though Sam is now 27 it desperately hurts her.  I can see inside the pain is burning as hot as ever.  All she has ever wanted was to be loved by her father.   For her father to be proud of her & show her just a little bit of attention. To feel loved as any child does. But always and after all this rejection she still holds out hope only to be let down once again. And her love is so deep for her father she cannot pluck the courage up to confront him. To finds the answers to the questions she undoubtedly has. As often with cases like this she self blames, somehow believing it’s her fault. That she deserves to be treated in such a way.  
 
I sometimes look at her on the occasions where once again she has been let down, and I can see that little eleven year old girl, stood sobbing at the front door waiting for her daddy to come home. Wondering why he has left her. She may well be 27 now and logically understands, but inside that little girl is still there after all these years just waiting & wanting to be loved.